The Things They Say

As the global credit crunch begins to bite, the Old Un wanted to pass on some illuminating research that will surely help us through these gloomy times. Firstly, a survey has been carried out on behalf of the Cooperative Bank shows that as the economy nosedives our bottoms are set to pay the price. According to the research, eight out of ten people have decided to ditch quilted lavatory paper in favor of the cheaper stuff. As if that’s not momentous enough, sales of colored loo rolls are predicted to fall as bog standard white paper is cheaper. Meanwhile research conducted by online bank Cahoot has revealed that one in four Britons are now less likely to split up from their partner as economic prospects worsen. This, of course, is bad news for divorce lawyers—which just goes to prove that every credit crunch has a silver lining. —The Old Un’s Diary in the British magazine The Oldie, November 2008

The way to stop financial joy-riding is to arrest the chauffeur, not the automobile. –Woodrow Wilson

These dark days will be worth all they cost us if they teach us that our true destiny is not to be ministered unto but to minister to ourselves and to our fellow men. –Franklin D. Roosevelt

It’s a recession when your neighbor loses his job; it’s a depression when you lose yours. –Harry S. Truman

Depression is when you are out of work. A recession is when your neighbor is out of work. A recovery is when Jimmy Carter is out of work. –Ronald Reagan

Recession is when the woman next door loses her job. Slump is when the woman in your house loses her job. Recovery is when the woman in No. 10 loses hers. –Len Murray, general secretary of the Trades Union Congress, alluding to Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher, 1983

Our Lord commonly giveth Riches to such gross asses, to whom he affordeth nothing else that is good. —Martin Luther, Colloquies

A man’s true wealth is the good he does in this world. –Muhammad